Being a stay-at-home mom has its perks. You get to spend all day every day with your child(ren), you can nap when they do, and you have no legitimate reason—beyond making yourself gag—to shower regularly. It seems like the perfect gig! No major obligations (besides the obvious of keeping your kid(s) alive), and pants are optional.
The downside to all of that: loneliness.
There is absolutely nothing worse than being a single parent, but tailing only minutely behind in the Suck-Category is having no mommy friends. A huge problem, plaguing so many of us, is losing touch with the rest of the world. First-time parents are probably in a far more dire social-standing because the more seasoned veterans of Mommyhood have had a chance to hit up playgroups and meet-ups.
More stressful than having your partner work all the time, is having them work non-stop while you are holed up in your cave house all alone. Sure, your kiddo(s) are fun (95% of the time), but baby-talk has nothing on a good half-hour chat with someone equally as strung-out as you.
For the first 15 months of Piggle’s life, I spent the vast majority of my time completely solo. While it was great to have the bonding and quality time with him, I was wearing myself out. The constant, never-changing cycle of wake up, play mommy, and sleep (sometimes) was really dragging me down. Even for one such as me, who thrives on schedules and routine, I found myself dreading waking up in the morning. Not because I don’t love every ounce of my son, but because I was stuck in a rut. It became boring and tiring, and I was desperate for adult interaction.
About a month ago, I started taking the boy to a playgroup down the street from us, and while it was great for him to gain some people skills and there were plenty of other parents there, it wasn’t the socializing I’d imagined or craved. A lot of it pertained to them not having children in the same age-group as Piggle, as well as not having the time of day for a teen mom….which, by the way, I am not, though I do look like a less feminine Justin Bieber. Discrimination and condescension aside, this wasn’t the crowd for me. I prefer my friends to be more fun and less stick-up-the-ass-ish.
Now, I should mention that I wasn’t without like-minded people to chat with; I’d been a part of a few
while pregnant and have made several connections with some very beautiful, amazing women, but not one of them lives in the same country as me. It was hard, building such strong relationships with these people that I may never meet. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I thought to do the most logical thing and joined a Facebook group for mothers in my city.
Within in two days, I came across a familiar name. Amazingly, one of the moms from the forum (click the link above to see which one) who hadn’t made it over to my Facebook friend list was a part of this group. Not only does she live in my city, but she’s less than 10 minutes from me. I didn’t care how stalker-esque it seemed; I messaged her immediately and demanded a get-together. Thankfully, she’s just about on par with my psychosis, so she gave me the benefit of the doubt of not being a rapist or baby-stealer and agreed to meet up.
I am proud to announce that we’ve had 4-ish ‘dates’ and get along fabulously, as do our boys (though, I wouldn’t really care if they loathed each other’s guts). I’m finding it so much easier to get through my lonely days with Piggle because I know I now have someone a few short minutes away, and the days we get together give me so much more to look forward to than changing countless poo-bums. She couldn’t have come at a more opportune time! (Thanks, A. You have zero idea how much of a godsend you are).
For those of you still in the beginning stages of emerging from your anti-social cocoons, I urge you to find a group, whether it be on the internet or not, of mothers going through the same things as you. You may not realize it yet, but being alone all the time is not healthy or beneficial to you or your child. If you’re getting antsy, put yourself out there. Unless they turn out to be a group of serial killers, pretending to be forlorn housewives, you won’t regret it. Trust me.
So true. It’s very easy to get all caught up in “mommy world”. Before my son I worked out Mon-Fri, went on coffee and movie dates with friends and the hubby and I actually talked about things other than poops and teeth. It’s funny, but I got pregnant at the same time as a few of my friends but we still didn’t seem to have to time to talk or get together….weird huh? Now that my little man is turning 2 I’ve realized I’m getting mommy and me cabin fever. I guess it’s time to make some new friends.
Stay at Home Momma
So glad you found someone! I found someone recently and couldn’t be happier! My little one isn’t too excited about it, but too bad for him!
This is what ive been saying for the past year! Glad you found someone